Why Loving Yourself First, Makes All The Difference

 You're listening to the Becoming Seen podcast with mindset and visibility expert, Pam Hamilton,  episode number 15. 

 Welcome to another episode of Becoming Seen. The podcast where you explore the art and science of creating authentic visibility. So you can find the courage to be seen,  heard, valued, and create a life you love. With your host, mindset and visibility expert, Pam Hamilton.   

Hello everybody.  Welcome back to another episode of Becoming Seen,  the art and science of creating authentic visibility. And today we're diving deep into a topic that's close to my heart.  Why loving yourself first is absolutely crucial.  You see, we're often told to love others as we love ourselves. 

But what if we don't love ourselves enough?  What if we're struggling to see our own worth?  Well, that's what we're going to explore today. We're going to talk about recognizing the importance of self love  because we've all heard the golden rule, love your neighbor as yourself.  But what if we've been neglecting the love yourself part of that equation?

It's a common trap for us, especially as older women to prioritize giving love to others.  to everybody else while neglecting ourselves. Everybody except us.  But here's the thing.  If we don't love ourselves fully, how can we expect others to love us the way we deserve?  It's a good question.  And,  even deeper than that,  How can we learn to recognize when we're being loved when we don't even know how it feels, how love feels  receiving it. We talk about give, give, give is better to give than receive,  but life requires renewal.

We look at every year, there's a spring and there's a fall. There's a wane and there's a bloom  because all of life needs to have a period of renewal, a giving back to fill itself, to be able to  give again.  And so when we're not receiving,  It's very hard to keep giving from a fullness.  And it's very hard to recognize that love coming back to us because we don't ever learn how to do that.

We just learn how to give. But here's the thing. I'm going to share a story,  from back when I was in college.  You know, Back then, I really struggled with self worth and acceptance., I was beginning  to understand that I wasn't really an abomination. I wasn't really all these awful things that I thought about myself,

 but it took a really significant event to kind of  push me over the edge to start to see that,  I went to college 3000 miles away from home because  being gay was  a scary thing. Coming up as a lesbian in those days,  even now it's hard, but in those days it was,  it just wasn't done.   I'm talking about in the seventies  and early eighties, and I was really struggling and  I got into a point where I was beginning  to say, no, I can't keep this a secret anymore  because the secret is killing me. 

I need to let this go. But I was afraid that.  When I let the secret out I was gonna be disowned.  I really truly believed that. I was really afraid because I knew so many people who had been disowned by their families when they came out and so I Had traveled 3, 000 miles away to go to school  to see If I would be able to survive,  you know, if I could survive without the love and support of my family  and  I was learning to love myself,  not full out, but I was making those beginning stages.

I was beginning to  realize that God loved me  regardless.  That God loved me, that I wasn't thrown away, that I was enough.  And in my graduation,  it was the first time that I realized just how loved I truly was  because  I was in a relationship and  I was beginning to recognize love,  love given back to me.

 Not just giving love, but receiving it. I was beginning to  understand love from the receiving end.  So I could see more love  because I was feeling it on the receiving end and not just on the giving end.   When I was graduating, a bunch of my family came to see me graduate. My sisters, my mom, my aunt, a cousin. 

 They flew those 3000 miles.  My sister saved up for their own tickets to come and see me graduate.  And I was,  I was overwhelmed with the feeling of how much  they had to care about me and love me to do that.  It was powerful.   But it wasn't until I started to love myself that I was able to fully recognize and accept that love from others.  And like I said, I was at the beginning stages  at that point, but  even then,  because I had gotten used to being loved,  I was able to accept that there was others that loved me too,  that I was lovable  because there's real power in self love. 

 So I want, I want to go back to what I said about renewal and new beginnings   because loving yourself is the foundation where we build authentic visibility.  That's where it's built. 

When you truly love yourself, you radiate confidence and authenticity. You're unafraid to show up as your true self, flaws and all. And that's when real connections are formed. Both personally and professionally. 

So,  I want to talk about tips for cultivating that self love.  I don't want to say just do it because if it was easy we would all be doing it.  So how do we start cultivating self love?  I'm going to give you three key tips to help you get started.  First,  acceptance and forgiveness.  Because forgiveness is an act of self love.  Start by accepting yourself exactly as you are. Flaws and all.  Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Let go of the grudges against with anyone else that may have wronged you  and let go of any self judgment.  That's the beginning because that's going to free you up of all the old stories of all of the old hurts.

It's going to let you start to move forward.   And then second practice, self compassion.  Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would offer to a friend, to someone that you cared about.  Be gentle with yourself during times of struggle and self doubt because you're going to have them. 

Take your time and just treat yourself the way you would treat others in a similar situation. Others that you love because you know how to give love. . As women, we're taught from birth how to give love, right? We, we're given little dolls. We're given  little pets. We're given all these things to learn how to give love. 

Put yourself on the receiving end  and give yourself that same love.

 And three set boundaries.  Learn to prioritize your own needs.  Set healthy boundaries in your relationships.  Because saying no when necessary is also an act of self love, not selfishness. And it gives you the space and the wherewithal to be able to give when you choose and how you choose   without being totally burned out and exhausted. 

So those are three key tips. And if you will work with those, you're going to see a huge difference.  Just from those three and how your life is going and how you're feeling about yourself, because how you feel about yourself  is critical to building visibility. 

I want to say that loving yourself first  is the key to unlocking a world of possibilities.  It's the foundation upon which authentic visibility is built  and it empowers you to show up. Fully in every aspect of your life. 

So take the time to cultivate that self love and watch as it transforms your world  because you can't show up and stand out and say, here I am world. When you don't even like who you are.  Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of becoming seen.

And remember you are worthy of love. And deserving of all the good things life has to offer.  So, until next time, take care of yourself, love yourself, and find your courage to shine bright. I love you all, and I'll talk to you soon. Bye for now.  Thank you for listening to my podcast.  If you enjoyed this episode,  please rate and review it on iTunes. 

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