Becoming Seen: Episode 12 - Where The Fear Comes From

Pam Hamilton [00:00:01]:
You're listening to the Becoming Seen podcast, the art and science of creating authentic visibility, Episode 12. Where does the fear come from?

Joan Hamilton [00:00:16]:
Welcome to another episode of Becoming Seen, the podcast where you explore the art and science of creating authentic visibility So you can find the courage to be seen, heard, valued, and create a life you love with your host, Mindset and visibility expert, Pam Hamilton.

Pam Hamilton [00:00:41]:
Welcome to another episode of the Becoming Seen podcast. I'm your host Pam Hamilton. And Last week, we spoke about how fear can keep us stuck. And today, I wanna talk about where that fear comes from, why it can keep us paralyzed, and what we can do to change that. So let's start with the premise that we all feel fear sometimes. And sometimes, that fear is about things we really want to do. And sometimes, we let that fear win. We let us stop it in our tracks, instead of doing the thing we really wanna do.

Pam Hamilton [00:01:16]:
But as Zach Williams says so eloquently in his song, Fear is a liar. Why do I say that? Because I know there are 4 very specific places fear comes from. It can come from a thought. It can come from a belief. It can come from past experiences. It can come from not knowing how to do a thing. And there's a way to manage and move through the fear that comes from each of those sources. We don't have to let it rule us.

Pam Hamilton [00:01:49]:
We can use positive affirmations and actions to help us work through the fear and move on with our lives. I wanna be very clear here though. I'm not saying we will eliminate the fear. Maybe we will. Maybe we won't. Certainly, we won't eliminate it overnight if it's something we've been afraid of for a while. That's where the courage comes in. It's why I say you need to find the courage to be seen.

Pam Hamilton [00:02:20]:
Because courage is not about the absence of fear. It's never been about that. It's about moving ahead in spite of it. And we can each do that if we're simply willing to be courageous and take the action we need to change. So let's talk about these fears and moving through them. The first one is where fear is caused by a thought we have. For example, You've always wanted to do something like play the piano, create a mega event, or lead a community organization or cause. But you haven't even tried because you'd make mistakes.

Pam Hamilton [00:03:01]:
You'd mess up. And you have the thought that mistakes are the worst. They make you look stupid and inept and people will think less of you because of that. That thought and the fear it brings that people will think less of you keeps you Stuck where you are, not going after your dreams. Can you relate? It's the thought that's keeping you stuck. But, you can change the thought. You can say, when I start working on playing the piano or creating my first event or trying to lead this thing in the community, I'm gonna make mistakes. And that's okay, because that's part of the learning process.

Pam Hamilton [00:03:48]:
And if I keep working at it instead of giving up, I will only get better and better. By embracing mistakes as part of the learning process, You're telling your mind that mistakes aren't a bad thing, and you don't need to be afraid of them. And this works with whatever the thought is that's holding you back. You can come up with an affirmation around that thought so that it's not keeping you stuck. Sometimes, the fear comes from something you believe. For example, I had a client that believed women and girls shouldn't be boastful. She had grown up believing that girls that did weren't liked, and bad things would happen to them. It got in the way of getting promotions she deserved on her job and her business when she left to start one of her own, because she couldn't promote herself or her accomplishments effectively.

Pam Hamilton [00:04:48]:
She had to change her belief about self promotion, So she used this affirmation daily and whenever the fear showed up. Thank you for sharing. Until this moment, that was true. But now, I'm doing something new. Now, I'm embracing the opportunity Unity to share my strengths, unique talents, and achievements with the world in order to open doors to new possibilities And create space for success to flow in my life. She had to say it a lot. But she became able to effectively promote who she was and what she did. Fear can come from past experiences.

Pam Hamilton [00:05:35]:
For example, if you try to do something in the past and it didn't work out, Like, you fell flat on your face and you're really embarrassed, and then you told yourself that you were awful at that thing and you would never try it again. Maybe you were a kid at the time it happened and other kids laughed at you. Whatever the situation, It left you at least emotionally scarred, maybe worse. In those instances, your fear may be simply keeping you safe so you don't get hurt again. But you can change that experience. Think about the people riding on those freedom buses with Martin Luther King. They got beat up with an inch of their lives, often set on fire. Those experiences were real, And they were scarred.

Pam Hamilton [00:06:32]:
And yet, they had to get back on the bus. They had to get on another bus. They had to say to their fear, thank you for keeping me safe, but I'm gonna try this again. Thank you for showing up, fear. Thank you for showing up and trying to keep me safe. And up until now, I probably needed that. But now I'm doing something different and I'm ready to try my hand at this new thing. And you have to say it every time the fear pops up and then you have to immediately take some action toward doing that thing, doing that new thing.

Pam Hamilton [00:07:08]:
Like, Getting back on a bus when the last one had been set on fire. Because you change things when you can find that courage to do that. And 4, fear can come from having to do something that you have no idea how to do. That's actually when We're most likely to engage in procrastination as a defense mechanism. The thing is, this fear can be overcome by simply learning How to do the thing we we need or want to do. I say simply, but sometimes the thing you wanna need to learn can seem to be Overwhelming. Like math. The information I like to use is that, yeah, math is hard.

Pam Hamilton [00:07:54]:
But I can learn hard things. I had a client who used to add, when I'm willing to give myself the grace and patience I need to do it. Whatever works for you, use the affirmation that gives you the power that lets you empower yourself to keep moving Forward. I know personally, I've been wanting to learn to play the piano for years, and yet I never have. I've just dabbled on my keyboard now and then and wished I could play. But any time I went to take lessons, It was an utter failure until I found the right teacher, one who was able to break down the complicated into simple step by step and show me the right way to go. This is me playing up and down the keys after only about a week of practice, because I had the courage to let go of negative thoughts, beliefs, and experiences that said I couldn't. You can do that too.

Joan Hamilton [00:09:25]:
Thank you for listening to my podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate and review it on Itunes.